40 what?

Today is Dave's birthday!
Happy Birthday!
He is 40 today, and a little stressed about it! He keeps telling the kids that he is 28 (yeah right!) Like they are still going to fall for that one big guy!
I hope that you enjoy your day, and have many more!
B-

Have to start saying good-bye

We have come to a point of realization in the last week that there is no longer anything that we can do to help or prolong the life of our beloved family member Avalanche. It was a hard thing to take his limb and give us more time with him, and it has been wonderful in so many ways. We need him and love him and he does so much for all of us. It has given us time to really enjoy what and who he is and to make the most of his time here. But that doesn't really make this place easier. It is a very hard lesson in mortality for the kids, and Dave and I just are sick about it.
He is so beautiful even in his most trying of circumstances, and even though he needs the comforting from his pain, he absorbs our tears in his sweet fur. The lessons of appreciating what you have while you have it, are ones I hope we never forget.

It was a rough day at our house. The baby is getting worse with each day, and it looks like from the swelling in his legs that his kidneys are failing. We don't want him to be in any more pain, but it is just to hard to say good-bye. We are all really struggling with talking about it and trying to be realistic, but it hurts each of us so much.
We have been letting him out onto the deck a couple of times a day, he enjoys it so much. It is so hard to watch him try to get up to get out though and then watching him shiver after only 20 minutes out there. He used to be able to sit out on a cold day for hours when we would let him, so for him to shiver, he just isn't right.
Chloe took these pictures so she could do a drawing of him for her art class. Her drawing turned out beautifully, and I am sure that it will be a treasure for her when he is gone. It was very wise for her to use him as a study right now, I think it was a very therapeutic thing for her to do.

We took the kids to see a movie hoping that it would be a good distraction for all of us, but we saw "Eight Below" the dog sled movie that Disney put out. It was cute and had a nice story, and on any other day it would have been fine. It just made me that much more depressed. I came home and slept for 3 hours after crying. I just can't look at a big dogs liquid brown eyes and see the majesty of what Avalanche was, and that he isn't at that place any more, it is just heartbreaking.
I have been a huge 24 fan from the begining, and I am trying to watch it to get distracted, but nothing is working right now. I can't pay attention and it is just moving to fast for my brain right now. I won't be able to catchup and know what is going on in the next episode, and it is just making me grumpier.
We have the tivo going on the olympics so we can watch the mens GS and hopefully the womens super-G. The freestyle ariels are also going, and we really enjoy those, so that will be interesting.
It was a long weekend with the kids home for 4 days, but i am really glad they had that extra time with Avalanche, I hope that it was enough for them to be able to day good-bye with.
WE LOVE YOU AVALANCHE!
B-

Friday Night Blogging

How sad is it that at 9:30 on a Friday night I am home blogging!
The Olympics are on, but it is Ice Dancing (not my favorite event!) I would really like to be doing something interesting, but it just shows how you really change as you get older! What would I rather be doing? Twenty years ago it would going out dancing, or taking a long walk on a cool downtown street and people watching. A late dinner or some dessert somewhere. Now the coolest thing we get out and do is a movie, and if we are lucky before the sidewalks get rolled up in Salt Lake City, we find some dessert at the Porcupine (last seating is at 10:00.
I used to be the Tommy Burger girl with a gross chiliburger and Pogen's cookies at 2:00 in the morning! Now if I eat anything after 8:00 I might as well be spackiling it right onto my thighs and buttocks!
Anyway, had a long week, glad it is coming to an end. Tomorrow will be interesting , but not horrible as I won't have to sit in the car running my entire families rearends up and down the I-215 corridor for my entertainment value!
The hardest thing for me right now is that Avalanche is getting really bad, and I just want to cry all day, but I am trying to love him as much as possible while he is with us. I knew it would be difficult, but the reality is ugly, it isn't much longer and I am really going to miss him more than I can bear the thought of right now.
On a more positive note, I got my first design team work for Little Black Dress sent to Tina on tuesday, and I am very happy with how it all turned out. I am absolutely in love with Christina Lazar-Shulers Papers
Lazarstudiowerx
So most of the stuff I have been doing is with her paper!


These papers are so amazing! Rich and elegant, bold and artistic they need so little to just make everything look great! I have about five more layouts that are done. I was able to get home from Las Vegas and put together 8 layouts and three cards and two tags in in less than ten days.
I guess when I get a pile of mojo I gotta go with it! Thanks for the amesome mojo Christina, you rock!
B-

Designer Dinner fun!

Rox and I had such a great time at the dinner catching up with friends we love, and making new friends who are so wonderful! I met such a fun, cute girl, she had on the cutest green wedge shoes and of course I had to compliment her on them. That cute girl ended up being Tia!
We had to take a picture in honor of the silly carrot avatar I use once a while (which apparently is memorable enough to provoke pictures like this)
Loved meeting May, she is such a sweet PEA! She, Rox and Tia were so cute together, hanging out and being cool!

Another fabulous moment for me was the Kim Mattina moment!
I just love this woman, and she is amazing! She was wearing super GLAM beaded jeans, my jacket was way over the top, so we had to have a SUPA STAH moment!

And of course there is the Specklebird! Jessie Baldwin baby, gotta love ya! So talented, crazy, fun and wise in one little body, she is the whole package! I wish I had gotten to spend more time with her, Rox and I did catch up with her at the Michael Miller booth doing her make-n-take, but next time we are in LV, she is OURS!
There were so many give aways at this dinner, and the gift bags were so heaped with amazing goodies! When we checked in we were given our goodie bags, but there were a few left over. I never win anything, but my name was actually called (by the MC Jessie!) and I won another goodie bag!
got to spend some time with the adorable Robin Werlich, we had a good run at the dessert bar during the evening! Sadly (LOL!), no pictures of our gluttony!
B-

I met Thena..

a year ago at CKU-M in Anaheim! It was such a treat, and she is so loved, by me and everyone else! She is the PUB Mom ya know! Well I have pics from that last meeting but seeing her at the designer dinner was just so great!


So I am not good at setting up links in my blog yet, something to work on!
But I loved how Sharon from Bluegrass Printing, Thena's publisher, was so great to share her plethora of CHA photos! Thanks Sharon, you are wonderful!

More CHA pics!

It was so great to get to meet Kelly Angard at the Memory Makers booth while she was doing her make-n-take! And lucky Rox and I, guess who else is there, YUP! Sonda! Yea us!
I have to PLUG Kell's book, it is so rockin'! She has it beautifully organized, and of course her work is such eye candy anyway! FABULOUS! So getting to hang with Kelly after doing the ATC swap was really fun!

Of course, I LOVE Sonda! She is amazing and that is that! We first got to meet at CKU-M in Anaheim, and it was such a blast! But meeting Baylee and Dwayne was so cool, awesome family! Next year a PEAs day at Disney is definitely in order, LOL!


Anyway, want to post more pics from CHA, I just have to torture Rox to get them. That is part of my evil plan, and then world domination through scrapbook brainwashing and hypnosis, hehehehe!
B-

The first few pics from CHA in Vegas Baby!

Got to meet some AMAZING people this last week!
Have to start with my PEEPS!

I worked for Lazar StudioWerx, and they were the BEST people to share time with!
Christina is the artsy-fartsy braniac that designed the paper and stamps (which are beyond delicious!) and Terry is the Saintly Sherpa and entertaining face maker! Then there is Tina! The Little Black Dress lady who is so clever!

I learned so much from them, and they were so tolerant of me!

The last Friday of January 2006

In other words, where did it go?
This month has slid by.
Going to a fundraiser for Dad's Charter school in Spanish Fork tonight, he is really nervous and excited, I am so happy to see him successful and involved here in Utah ! The first few years of his and Mom's move from Oregon were less than stellar in his enthusiasm level! It is great to see him emotionally and physically happy at last!
Played tennis today and had a good morning at it. I was actually calm, but absolutely plastering the ball at the same time. A nice feeling, and won too!
Still trying to decide if I am going to enter Hall of Fame. I have most of my entry done, but I am not sure if I have a strong enough entry to make it a worthwhile venture. I just get so invested, and it is disappointing to get rejected. I know there are sooooo many way talented people doing it (and there always will be) so my chances are non-existant, but I still think that I grow from the experiences so that is why I keep doing these crazy things!
Any way, going to go finish getting laundry done. I need to start packing for the trip to Las Vegas that Rox and I are taking to go work at CHA.
That will be a big wooooo hoooo!
B-

Trying to make...

A new photo header for this blog!
It is driving me crazy, I can't beat the designer, so I am going to have to go begging for help somewhere!
I made up a quick image of Avalanche to use and built the title into the image, but now I can't get rid of the pre-made title that is built into the design template that I used!
Argh!

This is what it will hopefully look like when I eventually figure it out!
Having all kinds of fun!
B-

Blogthings Birthorder

I was out blog hopping, and saw this on Amy Howe's blog. I find her thought's very interesting and helpful! I thought that this was fun and provided a little insight to my personality.

You Are Likely a First Born

At your darkest moments, you feel guilty. At work and school, you do best when you're researching. When you love someone, you tend to agree with them often. In friendship, you are considerate and compromising. Your ideal careers are: business, research, counseling, promotion, and speaking. You will leave your mark on the world with discoveries, new information, and teaching people to dream.

The Birth Order Predictor

Yes I am a first born, I try to make sure everyone is happy, I only will go in the dark woods if someone needs help, LOL!

I don't know how accurate these tests are, but they are fun!
B

ATC Cards for New Year Resolution swap

Loved making these Artist Trading Cards for a swap that Kelly Angard (Kreative Kell at 2 peas) organized!

I had not made ATC's before, and this was such a fun format! I tried a bunch of different things that I don't normally get to do in my scrapbooking! I learned a lot, there are things that I would want to do differently next time, and things that turned out better than I thought they would and things that didn't turn out the way I had envisioned but that I was pleased with anyway!
I love the fact that so many companies are making awesome rub-ons! Rub-ons are such a versatile product, and having so many different types to choose from is so exciting!

I also did a bunch of tape transfers that were fun to do! That is a hard look for me to translate into my scrapbooking, so using that techinique in another format was great!
Anyway, I can't wait to do another ATC swap!

Anyone?
Anyone?
Bueller?

B-

Scrapworks DT

I did send in an entry for the Scrapworks team. I also so did not bust my butt for this one. I wanted to see what would happen if I sent them my "real" work. The stuff that matters to me that I scrap for myself/family.
I LOVE this layout! It is so perfect for Chloe, and I think that it is a cool combination of the "grunge" and the "graphic" styles. I think that it is a look that will become popular. (but then again what do I know, I don't get DT calls, so I may not exactly have my fingers on the scrapbooking pulse!)
This is the two page LO that I used. I loved the paper layer look. And the color combo makes me so happy, it is bright and cheerful!
These are LOs that were made for the kids and are what they like! I am glad that I sent my work in, and given the quality of the team they have selected, I probably wouldn't have entered if I had known. But I am also so glad that I didn't invest so much of myself ala Junkitz or Basic Grey so as to be devastated today! I used an Altoids tin as my paper project, and turned it into a business card holder! I can't wait to use it at CHA! The card that I made was one that I did in about 15 minutes, and I was so proud of myself for actually getting a cute card made in such a short time! That in and of itself is a result of me pushing myself through these types of contests and calls. I am happy that I feel growth and see changes in my work, I love Scrapworks, I will always use their products and I think that they are a fun company with great standards! Thanks Scrapworks for at least taking the time to look at my entry and for having an open call so I could challenge myself! So, I have had a great day. Played tennis for about five hours! Three in the morning and two this evening! I also finished a title on a LO that I have been working on for HOF that was giving me a hard time! I don't know if I will get my entry done for that, but I am doing work that I love and that the kids love, that will help me grow and learn more about myself! As an artist I am learning and as a Mom/historian I am a great success! I am hoping that I am figuring out how to prioritize and become a better person for all of my choices.
B-

It has been a while

I haven't had it in me lately. Been flat, out of energy and just wondering how to pull myself out of it. There is a lot going on in scrapping world. Design team gigs that I hoped for that other wonderful talent got. Relationships that are challenging me at new levels. And just feeling that I needed some small successes somewhere to find the energy to push on to create more. I have been trying to push the negative energy out of my life, but I am really tired, and it just seems like a constant battle!
I want so badly to do more, give more and be more. Why can't I find a place of small satisfaction and work from it? Why do I have to be such a perfectionist? I try so hard to not project my uptightness onto others. My husband and I are not even talking any more and we blame each other and aren't even willing to entertain the idea that the other might have a valid point somewhere. He can't see why I can't trust him and that makes him so pissy he treats me like I am an idiot. Thank goodness for my wonderful kids, and my sister! The peace and happines that I find in small moments from them are tender mercies!
I need to do something.
I want to create. Maybe it would be good to stop creating for publication, design teams, contest etc. If I didn't feel so judged maybe I wouldn't be so hard on myself as well. It has hurt my creativity to keep trying to do these contest. Everyone says nothing ventured nothing gained. You won't know if you don't try. Well, It does hurt to be told no time and again. And just makes it that much more pathetic to keep trying. Doesn't it? Did VanGogh do juried art shows? Would someone who really cares only about the preservation of their family memories worry about whether they have been published or not? Whether they are on a maunfacturers design team or preparing samples for a show? I started doing this to preserve memories. Then it became a creative outlet. So do I seperate the two? Do I keep trying to make myself noticed in the noise of so many others who have the same desires? I know in my heart with eternal perspective that it won't matter if I am published. My kids great grand kids will love seeing what their ancestors looked like, what they did, and who they were as a person. That is what really matters! It won't matter if I get every single picture done or if I missed a birthday. Having a frame of reference like this is what the Lord has asked us to do, and I really want to do the best work I can.
I feel like I am asking for too much to have it all. But why can't I? I know that there are people who have so much talent and drive! I have talent, I have drive, I have a work ethic! Why can't I find the right fit? I feel so selfish in even wanting to have more.


Wendy wants more, and she can't have it either. But Wendy might die. Her kids are so little, her marriage is healthy her heart is pure. Why can't she have more? More health or more time? She more than deserves it, she is one of the most selfless people that I know! She has always been that way, the cancer hasn't made her that way. Why can't I learn from her? I have had the time with my kids she so desperately want with hers. I love Wendy so much! It has been such a bummer to have her live so far away, and I miss being able to interact with her dailly! When we moved to Utah 10 years ago, Wendy and Rick were just engaged. They now have 3 beautiful children and an eternal marriage that is an inspiration to me.

When Rox and I were able to go and visit last year for a few days, I had the best time! Wendy is that kind of friend that it just always feels right. No need to play catch up or feel the need to impress or pretend with. She is the real deal!

I took some time out of my hectic hours at CKU-M and put together this little thank you for Wendy. It is photographed badly because I had to take pictures on top of the desk in an overly crowded hotel room. But it is most of the pictures I had of Wendy at the time and she didn't want me taking any new ones. (I did manage to sneak a few any way though!) But I wanted this here on my blog so I could look at when I need too! I miss not being able to her everyday even ten years later. I pray for her, and ask that if you read this that you will too!

Just thinking of Wendy makes me feel so loved and so selfish all at once. Can anyone help me out of this tailspin? I should be able to help myself, and I need to go to the Lord in humility and ask for more help to help myself. In the mean time, I am just trying to get through it all.

B-

Blogger Block

So struggling to blog!
I have so much to put in and feel like not enough time to do it all!
So on that note, I am just popping in a short post to make myself do it, and hoping that will uncork me!
On christmas day we traditionally have a big prime rib dinner, yum! And Avalanche always get a big juicy bone for his dinner!
We so love this boy, and it is so fun to see the excitement and happiness on his sweet face! He is so willing to do anything for this treat, and will actually be obediant to what is asked of him! He takes the bone and then runs into his room to enjoy the delicious treat by himself!
Memories like this are what make me so very happy!
B-

The pages for the Hakes album

These are the pages that I had made of my family for the album Rox and I did for Mom and Dad!


The journaling reads:
Dear Mom and Dad~
We wanted you to have a gift from the heart that you would enjoy throughout the year. We love and appreciate you very much!
Your Daughters
Rox and B-

These are pictures of Dave and I.

Tyler on his sixteenth birthday and the 4th of July.

Laurel at California Adventure and in March.

Chloe in March and helping bake pies for Thanksgiving.

Carter getting his Wolf badge and at California Adventures.

B-